Tired from a round of projects sometimes we just need to step back and relax in order to synchronize our senses especially when you're around wood or metal working tools. Coffee breaks and sleep just don't cut it. We need a lil laughter once in a while to refresh our being and to jolt us back w/ renewed spirit. For this purpose I've decided to open a thread on Laughter, jokes and anything funny for the benefit of those who need it. Feel free to add anything. Here goes...
NAKED TRUTH
A naked girl rode on a taxi
'Bakit' asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya
'Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng alang damit?'
Driver: 'Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe mo':detective:
PEACE BE W/ YOU
Pari nagmimisa: Sino sa inyo ang may kagalit??
Nagtaasan ng kamay lahat pwera sa isang matandang babae
Pari: O, si lola lang ang walang kagalit... ano edad nyo lola??
Lola: 93 anyos.
Pari: Tingnan nyo si lola.. 93 na pero walang kagalit!! Lola bakit wala kayong kagalit?
Lola: PATAY na ang mga DYASKE!!! Grrrr, whizz, pant!:old:
Three reasons why laughing is good for your health:
1. Your heart - laughing lowers your blood pressure while increasing the amount of oxygen carried in your blood.
2. Your lungs - a deep belly laugh is like an internal aerobic workout, helping you breath more efficiently.
3. Your anxiety level - laughing lowers levels of the stress hormone cortisol, reducing tension. So take time to laugh even at the corniest joke.
*DISCLAIMER- No animals or Humans were harmed in the making of these jokes.:lalala:
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
eto for ebay boys.
A friend of mine ordered thru ebay a pen*s enlarger, after one week the item arrived... it was a magnifying glass:detective:. enlargement is instant and painless too... so ingat lang mga ebay babies:pcwhack:
click my signature and it will take you there........
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
Why it's fun to have a camera with you in the Philippines......
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
At eto pa.......
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES!!!
KAYA MAGAGALING ANG MGA PINOY.....
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
Nice thread Willy..laughter indeed is the best alternative medicine for all types illnesses. If I need to get a real hard laugh, all i do is check youtube for funny videos and epic fails.
here's mine..an anecdote.
When our youngest son James was 3, we went to Baclaran church to pray. While me and wife were praying, James saw two elderly ladies naglalakad ng paluhod sa isle while saying their rosaries, James then whispered to me "PAPA MAY NAGKAKARERA NA DALAWANG MATANDA". I immediately covered his mouth and I said "shhhh wag ka maingay nagdadasal sila", James sit back on the chair. When a third woman passed by his side and was also approaching the altar, James jumped to me and again said "PAPA MAY HUMAHABOL PA DUN SA DALAWA". Binuhat ko na sya palabas ng simbahan....:D:D:D
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
[COLOR="Blue"]Real Answers from Wowowee contestants. Sad but true.
These are questions and actual answers of contest participants.
1. Q: “Ano sa Tagalog ang teeth?” A: “Utong!”
2. Q: “Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?” A: “Umiilaw!”
3. Q: “Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao? A: “Humanitarian?”
4. Q: “Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga.” A: “Ninja?”
5. Q: “Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?” A: “Sunog!”
6. Q: “Magbigay ng sikat na Willie.” A: “Willie da pooh!”
7. Q: “Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?” A: “Hindunesia?”
8. Q: “Anong hayop si King Kong?” A: “Pagong!”
9. Q: “Magbigay ng mabahong pagkain.” A: “Tae!”
10. Q: “Saang bansa matatagpuan ang mga Canadians?” A: “Canadia!”
11. Q: “Kumpletuhin – Little Red.” A: “Ribbon!”
12 Q: “Ano ang tinatanggal sa itlog bago ito kainin?” A: “Buhok?”
13. Q: “Magbigay ng pagkain na dumidikit sa ngipin.” A: “Tinga!”
14. Q: “Anong oras kadalasang pinapatay ang TV?” A: “Pag balita?”
15. Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?” A: “Baby oil?”
16. Q: “Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?” A: “Sweetserland?”
17. Q: “Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?” A: “Godzilla?”
18. Q: “Ano ang mas malaki, itlog ng ibon o sanggol ng tao?” A: “Itlog ng tao!”
19. Q: “Anong S ang tawag sa duktor nag nago-opera?” A: “Sadista?”
20. Q: “Blank is the best policy.” A: “Ice tea?”
22. Q: “Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?” A: “Sa likod!”
23. Q: “Fill in the blanks – Beauty is in the eye of the ____.” A: “Tiger?”
24. Q: “Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?” A: “Saging!”
25. Q: “Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?” A: “Baliw!”
26. Q: “Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?” A: “Kamag-anak!”
27. Q: “Saan nakukuha ang sakit na AIDS?” A: “Sa motel?”
28. Q: “Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?” A: “Cold water!”
29. Q: “Sinong cartoon charcater ang sumisigaw ng yabba dabba doo?” A: “Si scooby dooby doo?”
30. Q: “Heto na si kaka, bubuka-bukaka.” A: “Operadang bakla?”
31. Q: “Ilan ang bituin sa American flag?” A: “Madami!”
32. Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa taong isa lang ang mata?” A: “Abnormal!”
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
@ willyfernando
When I saw this post early this morning at about 1:00am while still browsing the latest threads of PHM, I said to myself, woooaaah, this is now an off shoot of the several replies posted by me and other members on the thread regarding posting new tool acquisitions,tools/loot. When sir willyfernando posted a picture of a doberman pup with human eyes and human lips and tagged it as dober-monkey or yes a DOBER-MAN dog. Ha ha ha ha the picture looks so funny and ridiculous, :hysterical: well I guess the picture was a photoshop, poor dog he looked so unhappy at parang hiyang hiya.
Anyway for me this thread will be one of the best thread ever and everyone reading this will always be laughing and I'm pretty sure many will be contributing their most funny jokes and experiences. :2thumbsup: :bounceD:
Congrats for a GREAT thread sir willy, we will always be needing some laughters in our daily lives and it will be good for our hearts and lungs. 😀
CIGWELD Weldskill 250 amp Mig Welder
AHP Alpha-TIG 200X welder
HITRONIC 300 Amp DC Inverter IGBT Welder
YAMATO 300 amp AC Stick Welder
YAMATO 200 amp DC Inverter IGBT Welder
DeWALT Chopsaw
HOBART and ESAB Welding Helmets
cloned STIHLs
MS 044 chainsaw
MS 070 chainsaw
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
@Timber, Rosy and Armand
Thanx for viewing and contributing. Any joke or story to put a smile or a burst of laughter is indeed good medicine.
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
I LOVE THIS DOCTOR........
[COLOR="Red"]Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
[COLOR="red"]Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
[COLOR="red"]Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
[COLOR="red"]Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
[COLOR="red"]Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
[COLOR="red"]Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
[COLOR="red"]Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
[COLOR="red"]Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
[COLOR="red"]Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
[COLOR="red"]Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.[COLOR="red"] Speaking English is apparently what kills you..:faint:
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?' 😀
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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers The first boy says, ' My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $ 100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!' :sumo:
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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a WIFE.' :shocked2:
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
*With no bad intent for our Chinese brothers. Just purely in the spirit of fun.
[COLOR="Blue"]The Chinese Detective
A guy suspected that his wife was cheating
on him, so he hired a Chinese detective...
The cheapest one he could possibly find.
This is his report:
Most Honourable Sir,
You leave house. I watch house. He come
house. I watch. He and she leave house.
I follow. He and she go hotel. I climb tree.
I look window. He kiss she. She kiss he.
He strip she. She strip he. He play with she.
She play with he. I play with me.
I fall off tree. I no see.
No fee,
Cheng Lee
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
JOKE TIME
Hindi lahat ng party ay masaya--3RD PARTY
Hindi lahat ng 13 ay malas--13TH MONTH PAY
Hindi lahat ng negative nakakalungkot- PREGNANCY TEST (whew)
Hindi lahat ng positive ikina-sasaya- -HIV POSITIVE
********* *** *
Anak: Tay , totoo po bang may multo?
Tatay: Anak walang multo! Bakit mo naitanong?
Anak: Sabi kasi ni yaya merong multo!
Tatay: Anak... wala tayong yaya!
****** *** *
Inday: Ate, kailangan daw ipa-EXTRAY ulo ni junior?
Mother: anong EXTRAY?
Inday: Ano pu ba talaga ati?
Mother: CT SKULL!!
****** *** *
Bahay ng mag-asawa pinasok ng killer....
Killer: Bago ko patayin lahat ng biktima ko ay kinikilala ko muna.
Ikaw Mrs, ano pangalan mo?
Mrs: Inday po.
Killer: Napakagandang pangalan, kapangalan mo nanay ko.
Hindi na kita papatayin. Ikaw mr, ano pangalan mo?
Mr: Ah Pedro po, pero my friends call me Inday.
****** *** *
Chinese feng shui:
If MIRROR at the stairs, may swerte at grasya akyat.
If MIRROR at the door, may swerte at grasya pasok.
If MIRROR at the ceiling, ikaw swerte, nasa loob ka ng MOTEL!
****** *** *
Teacher: Juan, give me colors that start with letter M, except maroon!
Juan: Hhmmm...
Maitim!
Mapute!
Maputla!
Madilaw!
Mukhang berde!
Mejo asul!
Mamink-mink!
****** *** *
3 Palatandaan na tumatanda ka na:
1) Tuhod na lang ang Tumitigas..
2) Buhok na lang ang Tumatayo.
3) Mukha na lang ang Nagagalit.
****** *** *
Mag-ama nakasakay sa barko habang bumabagyo...
Anak: Tay ! Nag-aalala po ako. Parang lulubog ang barko.
Tatay: Ba't ka mag-aalala eh di naman atin ito!
****** *** *
Isang binata naputulan ng parehong braso, pagdating sa ospital:
Binata: Doc gamutin nyo po ako, naputol parehong braso ko.
Doc: Mga anong oras ka ba naputulan?
Binata: Mga 10 oras na po.
Doc: 10?! Eh bakit ngayon ka lang pumunta dito?
Binata: HALLER! Mahirap kayang pumara ng jeep!!
****** *** *
A large signboard says: "ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY."
Nakita ng lasenggo... "So what?! Sino ba nagmamadali? "?
****** *** *
Misis: Inday, napansin mo ba ang barong ni sir mo lagi na lang may lipstick?
Maid: Opo nga ma'am! Mukang niloloko na tayo ni sir ah?!?!
****** *** *
Jr: Nay, nagloko ba si lolo noong buhay pa sya?
Mom: Pag namatay ako, tatangungin ko sya sa langit.
Jr: Eh kung nasa hell si lolo?
Mom: Tatay mo ang magtatanong!
****** *** *
Economics Professor: "Now tell me what is the similarity between your bank account and a bra?
Student: "Well, the more in it, the better interest you get."
****** *** *
Wife mad at drunk husband: From now on, lips that touch liquor will never touch mine...
(Later she said): What are you thinking?
Husband: Trying to decide between 12year old scotch and 50year old lips.
****** *** *
Son to dying father: Itay, ano po ang gusto nyo, magpalibing ba o magpa-cremate?
Ama:Ikaw na ang bahala, anak. I-surprise mo na lang ako.
********* *** *
Pacquiao: Honey, boksan mo na yun sweets.
Jinky: Nasan honey? Ang lambing mo naman. May pasalubong ka pa sa akin!
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng elaw. Ang dilim kaya!
********* *** *
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
*With no bad intent for our Chinese brothers. Just purely in the spirit of fun.
The Chinese Detective
A guy suspected that his wife was cheating
on him, so he hired a Chinese detective...
The cheapest one he could possibly find.This is his report:
Most Honourable Sir,
You leave house. I watch house. He come
house. I watch. He and she leave house.
I follow. He and she go hotel. I climb tree.
I look window. He kiss she. She kiss he.
He strip she. She strip he. He play with she.
She play with he. I play with me.
I fall off tree. I no see.No fee,
Cheng Lee
Parang kilala ko yung depektib na yan ah:poke:
click my signature and it will take you there........
Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine
hahaha! nice thread!
i'd like to share some. i got these from spam last night 🙂
THE 5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'downunder.'
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet, and when they go, they take your house and car with them.
Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...
BONUS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
Q: What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
Nominated as the world's best short joke
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.
