Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

[COLOR="Blue"]TAKING A WOMAN TO BED

What is the difference between girls/women aged:
8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78 ?

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

[color="blue"]TAKING A WOMAN TO BED part 2

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

At 78 -- What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?

According to the U.S. Census Bureau:
190,374 people are having sex right now,
212,130 are kissing, and
1 poor soul is reading FORUM POSTS.

You hang in there, sunshine!!!!

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

:rofl01::rofl01:

more !!! more !!! more !!!

:lol::lol:

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

WHAT SHE SAYS VS. WHAT SHE MEANS

She Says: "Bahala ka na."
She Means: "Pagsisihan mo ito."

She Says: "Sure, go ahead."
She Means: "I don't want you to."

She Says: "Hindi ako galit."
She Means: "Galit ako."

She Says: "I just want a stable future."
She Means: "I want to be rich."

She Says: "Hindi ka marunong makinig."
She Means: "Sumunod ka sa gusto ko."

She Says: "Mahal mo ba ako?"
She Means: "May ipapabili ako."

She Says: "Gaano mo ako kamahal?"
She Means: "May kasalanan ako sa iyo."

She Says: "Mataba ba ako?"
She Means: "Sabihin mo ako ang pinakamagandang babae sa balat ng lupa."

She Says: "I'll be ready in 5 minutes."
She Means: "I'll be ready in 1 hour."

She Says: "Nakikinig ka ba?"
She Means: "Sumunod ka na kasi sa gusto ko."

She Says: "Masarap ba ang luto ko."
She Means: "Instant yan."

She Says: "Magsine tayo sa SM."
She Means: "Magsha-shopping ako."

She Says: "Simple lang ang gusto ko sa buhay."
She Means: "Alahas, kotse, mansion sa Alabang.."

IN ANSWER TO THE QUESTION: "MAY GINAWA BA AKO?" FROM THE BOYFRIEND.

She Says: "Wala."
She Means: "Marami."

She Says: "Ayokong pag-usapan."
She Means: "Bumubuwelo pa ako."

She Says: "Wala talaga."
She Means: "Hayup ka!"

She Says: "Wala. Talagang-talaga."
She Means: "Gusto ko nang mag-break."

WHAT HE SAYS VS. WHAT HE MEANS

He Says: "Gutom ako."
He Means: "Gutom ako."

He Says: "Inaantok ako."
He Means: "Inaantok ako."

He Says: "Pagod ako."
He Means: "Pagod ako."

He Says: "Gusto mo bang kumain?"
He Means: "Gusto kong kumain."

He Says: "Talagang gusto mo ang sineng ito?"
He Means: "Ang corny."

He Says: "What's wrong?"
He Means: "Hay naku, heto na naman tayo."

He Says: "OK naman ang haircut mo."
He Means: "Ngiiii!!"

He Says: "May nasabi ba ako?"
He Means: "Tama na nga iyan."

He Says: "Mag-usap tayo."
He Means: "Makinig ka. Magsasalita ako."

WHILE SHOPPING

He Says: "Hindi bagay sa iyo."
He Means: "Masyadong mahal."

He Says: "Maganda iyan."
He Means: "Mura."

He Says: "Bagay na bagay sa iyo. Bilhin mo."
He Means: "Gusto ko nang umuwi."

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

:rofl01::rofl01:

more !!! more !!! more !!!

TNX JON. PASENSYA NA SA KAUNTING NAKAYANAN.:thanks:

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

@bryant77

WHAT SHE SAYS VS. WHAT SHE MEANS

HOW TRUE BRADER. HOW TRUE!!!:thumbup::innocent::shake:

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

Wife's Diary

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.
He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong;
He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly, and watched TV.
He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
"My life is a disaster!"

Husband's Diary:
"Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.":dunno:

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

NO Speak English

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...

(Please scroll down.)

What were you thinking?

Her husband speaks English!

Now get back to your WIPS.

I worry about you Sometimes! :blink: :innocent:

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

AN IRISH GHOST STORY
This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though
it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.
John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.
The car started moving slowly.. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road,
so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet
and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was
crying... and wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark
and stormy night. They, like John , were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other....
Look Paddy....there's that fucking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it !!!!'

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

SIPPING VODKA

A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."

12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

Guys, Please. If you are copying a joke or quote from your emails and posting here PLEASE use the "remove text formatting" button. there is no use or need for them to be terrible large...

highlight all the text and press the button will keep fonts to proper size....
Please use!

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

How to serve chicken wings ......

Presentation is the key

INGREDIENTS NEEDED FOR ASSEMBLY
Chicken Wings, Potato Croquette balls, With A Dash Of Tomato Sauce and Asparagus
served On A Bed Of Lettuce.

Laugh when you can, apologise when you should, and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything but Happy.

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

How to serve chicken wings ......

Presentation is the key

INGREDIENTS NEEDED FOR ASSEMBLY
Chicken Wings, Potato Croquette balls, With A Dash Of Tomato Sauce and Asparagus
served On A Bed Of Lettuce.

Laugh when you can, apologise when you should, and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything but Happy.

downright a gorgeous spread >:D.... looks yummy:slurp:

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

Smart girl

Nanay: iha saan ka na naman galing?
Iha: nanay naglaro Lang po kami ng Chinese garter
Nanay: ay naku niloloko ka Lang nyang mga kalaro mo, gusto Lang nila makita panty mo kaya ka niyaya!
Iha: don't worry nanay, alam ko po yon. Kaya nga hinubad ko na Lang panty ko para Hindi nila makita.
Posted via PHM Mobile

Re: Laughter, it is still the best medicine

Smart girl

Nanay: iha saan ka na naman galing?
Iha: nanay naglaro Lang po kami ng Chinese garter
Nanay: ay naku niloloko ka Lang nyang mga kalaro mo, gusto Lang nila makita panty mo kaya ka niyaya!
Iha: don't worry nanay, alam ko po yon. Kaya nga hinubad ko na Lang panty ko para Hindi nila makita.
Posted via PHM Mobile

Nyahaha! Mas madali nga iyon.